A List of Human Problems

What follows is an abridged list of human maladies. May they all be destroyed before the century is out.

abscesses, acne, addictions, adenitis, adenoids, AIDS, albinism, allergies, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), Alzheimer’s disease, amnesia, anemia, aneurysms, angina, anorexia nervosa, anthrax, anxiety attacks, aphasia, appendicitis, apoplexy, arteriosclerosis, arthritis, asphyxia, asthma, astigmatism, athlete’s foot, attention deficit disorder (ADD), back aches, bedsores, Bell’s palsy, beriberi, bipolar disorder (manic-depression), birth defects, blackouts, bladder infections, blemishes, blindness, blisters, bloating, boils, bone cancer, bone spurs, botulism, bowlegs, breast cancer, brain cancer, breech presentations, Bright’s disease, brittle bone disease, broken bones, bronchitis, bruises, bulimia, bunions, bursitis, calcinosis, canker sores, cardiac dysrhythmia, cardiomyopathy, carpal tunnel syndrome, cataracts, cellulitis, cerebral palsy, cervical cancer, cervicitis, chapped lips, chickenpox, chlamydia, choking, cholera, cleft lips and palates, clubfoot (talipes), cold sores, colic, colitis, colon cancer, color blindness, comas, common cold, concussions, congestion, congestive heart failure, conjunctivitis, constipation, convulsions, coronary occlusions, coughs, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, cystic fibrosis, cystitis, cysts, dandruff, dangerous plants and animals, deafness, deformities, dehydration, delirium, delirium tremens, delusions, dementia, dental problems, depression, dermatitis, detached retinas, deviated septums, diabetes, diaper rash, diarrhea, diphtheria, dislocated joints, dizziness, Down’s syndrome, droughts, dysentery, dyslexia, dysphagia, dysphasia, dysuria, ear infections, earthquakes, Ebola virus, ectopic pregnancies, eczema, edema, elephantiasis, embolisms, emphysema, encephalitis, endocarditis, endometriosis, enteritis, epidemics, epididymitis, epilepsy, Epstein-Barr virus, erectile dysfunction (ED), excessive ear wax, fainting, fallen arches (flat foot), farsightedness (hyperopia), fevers, fibrillation, fibromyalgia, fibrosis, fistulas, flatulence, floods, frostbite, gallstones, ganglions, gangrene, gastrinomas, gastritis, gastroenteritis, germs, gingivitis, glaucoma, goiter, gonorrhea, gout, granuloma, Graves’ disease, halitosis, hallucinations, hay fever, headaches, heart attacks, heartburn, heart murmurs, hematomas, hemiplegia, hemophilia, hemorrhages, hemorrhagic fever, hemorrhoids, hepatitis (A,B&C), hernias, herniated and slipped disks, herpes, hiccups, high blood pressure (hypertension), HIV, hives, Hodgkin’s disease, humpbacks (kyphosis), Huntington’s chorea, hurricanes, hydrocephalus, hyperactivity, hypercholesterolemia, hyperemia, hyperglycemia, hyperthermia, hyperthyroidism, hypertonicity, hyperuricemia, hypochondria, hypoglycemia, hypothermia, hypothyroidism, impacted teeth, incontinence, indigestion (dyspepsia), infarctions, infections, infertility, infestations, inflammations, influenza, insanity, insomnia, iritis, irritable bowels, ischemia, itches, jaundice, Karposi’s sarcoma, keratitis, keratosis, kidney failure, kidney stones, knock-knees, labor pains, laryngitis, Legionnaires’ disease, leprosy, lesions, lethargy, leukemia, lice, lipidosis, lipomas, liposarcoma, liver cancer, lockjaw/tetanus, lordosis, low blood pressure (hypotension), lumbago, lung cancer, lupus, Lyme disease, lymphangitis, lymphedema, lymphocytosis, lymphomas, macular degeneration, malaria, malocclusions, manias, mastitis, measles, melancholia, melanomas, meningitis, menorrhagia, menstrual cramps, mental illnesses, mental retardation, migraines, miscarriages (spontaneous abortions), mononucleosis, monsoons, morning sickness, multiple personality disorder, multiple sclerosis, multiple system atrophy, mumps, muscle cramps and spasms, muscular dystrophy, myalgia, myasthenia gravis, myelitis, narcolepsy, nausea, nearsightedness (myopia), necrosis, nephritis, nephrosis, nervous breakdowns, nervous tics, neuralgia, neuritis, neuroses, night blindness, nosebleeds, obesity, osteitis, osteodystrophy, osteoporosis, otitis, ovarian cancer, Paget’s disease, pain, palsy, pancreatic cancer, paralysis, paranoia, parasitosis, Parkinson’s disease, pericarditis, periodontitis, peritonitis, phantom pain, pharyngitis, phlebitis, phobias, pimples, pinched nerves, plagues, pleurisy, pneumonia, poisons, polio, Pott’s disease, premature births, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), prions, prostate cancer, psoriasis, psychoses, psychosomatic illnesses, ptomaine poisoning, pulled muscles, quicksand, rabies, rashes, Raynaud’s disease, resistance to curative drugs, retinitis, retinitis pigmentosa, retroviruses, Reye’s syndrome, Rh incompatibility, rheumatic fever, rheumatism, rhinoviruses, rickets, riptides, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, rubella, ruptures, salmonella poisoning, sandstorms, sarcomas, scabies, scarlet fever, schizophrenia, sclerosis, scoliosis, scurvy, seizures, senility, septicemia, severe thunder storms, shingles, shock, sickle-cell anemia, skin cancer, sleep apnea, smallpox, sneezes, sore throats, sores, spastic colons, speech disorders, spina bifida, sprains, stillbirths, stomach cancer, strep throats, strokes, styes, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), sunburn, sunstroke, swelling, syphilis, tabes, tardive dyskinesia, Tay-Sachs disease, teething pains, temper tantrums, tartar, tendinitis, testicular cancer, thrombosis, tidal waves, tinnitus, TMJ, tonsillitis, tooth decay, torn cartilage, tornadoes, Tourette’s syndrome, toxemia, toxic shock syndrome, transplant rejection, trauma, tremors, trench foot, trichinosis, tropical storms, tuberculosis, tumors, tunnel vision, typhoid fever, typhus, ulcers, uremia, urethritis, uterine cancer, vaginitis, varicose veins, vertigo, viruses, vomiting, warts, whooping cough, wounds, yeast infections, yellow fever

Comments

  1. DavidtheDuke

    And these are just the biological ones.

  2. Ron

    Blizzards are biological?

  3. MCP2012

    May all of these (and lots more) be merely historical memories (archived somewhere, no doubt) BY OR BEFORE 2033.

  4. DavidtheDuke

    @ ron

    You’re right.
    I just noticed the first twenty by a quick scan were all diseases.
    But you’re still right.

  5. nick012000

    As an autistic, I am highly offended by your suggestion that autism be wiped out. It is on a par with suggesting that black people be wiped out, or Jews be wiped out.

    Autism is not a disease. It is a neurological difference that has its good and bad parts. Yes, we have a higher rate of mental retardation be the general population, but our unorthodox manner of thinking outweighs that.

    Einstien and Newton were both autistics. Would you want to deprive the future of their successors?

  6. hillary grivich

    uhh. hmmm… i never thought that acne would wipe us all out… thats a load to think about… HOW WILL I EVER SLEEP AGAIN!!???

  7. hillary grivich

    and, btw, i personally doubt they will all be done away with anytime soon. we enjoy our own suffering too much.

  8. B

    I don’t know how carefully you read that list, but the thought of some of them being wiped out in the next century is flatly ridiculous. For example: wounds. “Yes, we’re going to become totally invincible, immune to any kind of attack in any possible way in the next 100 years” Utter fiction. A few of them are necessary for our biosphere to keep going, and a couple of them are quite beneficial, such as pain. I don’t know about you, but I want to feel pain when I’m being damaged. Most laughable of all, you even mentioned the “lumbago,” which happens to be a body part, your lower back. Your lower back does not qualify as a malady.

  9. I find it mildly offensive to think that an autistic person would want to slow the evolution of the human race, just so that we can keep autistic people around.

    Yes, there are genius autistics. However, no biological entity, autistic or not, can compare, in any way, to the level of intelligence, creativity, empathy, and wisdom of that of our future positronic brains.

    Yes, I would sacrifice all the autistics, blacks, jews, women, men, dogs, fleas, trees, and oceans if it meant that we could exceed the limits that conventional evolution and biology imposed.

    If you like, when your uploaded into your new body, you can reprogram yourself to be autistic again. How’s that sound, mate? ;)

  10. Teeth grinding is certainly one of my most embarrassing secrets. The worst thing is, I did not even find out about it till one of my girlfriends confronted me about it in the morning and every morning after that (we broke up – however that is a different story) and I did not just like the feeling. I tried getting a dental guard for it, after looking at sites about how to stop grinding teeth, but then my jaws would get sore, and my teeth ached. It’s an actual trouble, particularly if I am staying with my girlfriend, as I would get up in the mornings, with drool all over if I’m wearing a teeth guard. When you have any details about teeth grinding, I would appreciate it if you happen to share – thanks!

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