World Peace Through World Domination
Michael Anissimov :: June 2004

Ever wanted to wipe out poverty, disease, war, and aging, have some sort of idea how, but are worried about pesky governments or international mega-corporations getting in your way? Look no further, World Peace Through World Domination is the strategy for you. With clever plans, a few decisively superior technologies, and several hundred brilliant, trustworthy partners, you can effectively dodge your opponents and ensure peace and happiness for all human beings. Become a benevolent dictator-for-life today!

World Peace Through World Domination.

Mad scientist antics such as death rays or mass mind-control are not required to take over the world. A grab bag of revolutionary 21st-century technologies such as nanotech and AI -- coupled with savvy strategy -- is far better. Increasingly powerful new organizations are emerging on ever-shorter timescales (whoever heard of Google in 1999?), so who's to say your company won't be the next to make billions, or even trillions? You can go pretty damn far when your capital base is self-replicating.

Run away to where they'll never find you.

The problem with mountain fortresses, abandoned temples, and other classic hideouts is that they stick out like a sore thumb for last-minute nuclear strikes or commando assaults. Make sure you stay ahead of any would-be challengers. By that, I mean that you should run away to a place where no one has any idea where the hell you are. Deep underground is probably a good idea. Start the drilling machines, gentlemen!

Make personal contacts with the super-elite of government, business, and entertainment.

Even the most competent benevolent dictator can't micromanage every little industry and nation. To make sure everything is running smoothly will require regular contact with the most famous and powerful people on Earth. Make sure that they're actually listening to what you are saying, not paying you lip service just because you took over the world. Small incentives in the form of state of the art entertainment setups or living environments may help to encourage them to do what's right for Earth. Virtual dinner parties are also acceptable, safe, and fun!

Make the core of your staff out of young supergeniuses.

They're too young to know what's supposed to be impossible. They're so idealistic, and haven't had their dreams crushed by office politics yet. Since they don't have a long history of appeasing greedy and egotistical co-workers or superiors, they might actually say what they mean and mean what they say. Treat your young supergeniuses nicely, showering them with gifts such as console RPGs, Magic cards, and physics textbooks, and one day they'll grow into... um... middle-aged supergeniuses.

Never kill anyone, and try to treat everyone as equally as possible.

To be part of the team that takes over the world, you have to be totally un-racist, un-biased in every way. Not only does this mean that you have never felt negatively about any specific ethnic, political, moral, or religious group, but also that you don't feel positively about any single group to the point where you favor them unfairly. Instead of killing people, opt for friendly countermeasures, like laughing gas, or turning off their war machines. The more people like you, the less they'll mind that you've taken over the world.

A switch in management doesn't mean that people get to break the law.

The citizens of the world need to understand that just because some dictator took over doesn't mean that everyone gets to run amok and have a free-for-all. Nonviolent attention to trouble spots can greatly help minimize the chaos. Giving people fascinating forms of entertainment to busy themselves could end up being helpful.

Good luck taking over the world, you may need it!

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